What once was will never be
"2020" We may never ever need to say that again. In a few days, we will be starting a new year. I'm so looking forward to it, but I hope I'm not the only one who can say that despite the challenges of 2020, I experienced the most growth both personally and emotionally than I have ever done throughout my 46 years. Let's dive right into it!
Maintaining what works - In the absence of being physically present, you can show and interact with love ones by answering when they need you, using Facetime, and reaching out through cards or texts. I remember when my son and I were doing a walkthrough of a house I was thinking about buying. He and I included my daughter by having her on Facetime. She was able to see what we saw and hear our thoughts about the house in real time. She also asked questions to the realtor. She was in a sense there. Yes, it was different, but it worked.
Promoting Self Love -I've had a lot of time to reflect during 2020. So many things happened that were beyond my control that I had to rediscover what at the end of the day makes me happy. Sitting down to a movie with a glass of wine, studying a different language, reading a book, treating myself to a bubble bath in the middle of the day, enjoying a walk on the beach, or even having a quiet moment of meditation were all ways I showed myself self love. When you try, you can make something beautiful from very little. For example, I began to mix lavender oil and shea butter with cane sugar, honey, and coconut oil to create an all-natural scrub. Along with warm water, my bath tub became an oasis for refreshing my soul and exfoliating my skin.
Women's Mental Health
Be Aware Of Your Internal Signs
We all lead stressful lives. At some point, you have to slow down and take a step back. Whether you are worried about your kids or a little short on a bill or maybe your friend said something you did not like, there is always something to fret about in the daily life of a woman. Despite what is going on in our lives, we are expected to still meet our responsibilities and step up to our roles as mom, leader, confidant, guider, and coordinator. But what happens when you realize there is overload? How does a woman cope when the pressure is on max? One indicator of meeting my breaking point is a noticeable increase in anxiety. When I get nervous or start to become short tempered with those around me, those are my internal signs that I need to take a break - I need to step away. There are so many factors that happen beyond your control. I have lost my Father, then Mother, then Brother-in-law, then Sister, then another Sister. I know what being on the verge of mental breakdown feels like. Grief is no joke.
1. Talk to someone. Do not let negativity or what you are worrying about brew. It is so much easier to talk with a family member or close friend about your problem, than to let it snowball. If you are in a disagreement with a spouse or significant other - talk to them about it.
2. Pray! Rely on your Faith during your time of need. Some things you may not want to talk about with a person. Always take your worries to God for He alone is all powerful and can resolve it.
3. Spend time with yourself. Take a break when you need to. Go get your nails done or have some ice cream. You can also go on an overnight trip. Plan a mini vacation where you can relax and recover.
4. Seek professional help. There seems to be a stereotype that goes along with therapy, but you have to ignore it. Talking with a non-biased person confidentially can go a long way. Keep in mind, that most healthcare plans cover counseling services.
I hope this blog post helps you with whatever you are going through. Know that we all have good days and bad days - it's how you work through them that matters. Comment below with how you cope with life's punches. I would love to see what you do.
Be Blessed today and always, Carla
your environment matters
I've spent my whole life thinking of others and mostly, putting others' needs before my own. It was part of my upbringing, the culture of what I was learned to do. Don't get me wrong, taking care of others is not a curse; it is, in fact, rewarding on many levels. It is still instilled in me, but that priority has changed.
In 2016, I started my metamorphosis. It was not on purpose. I've always desired to own my own business, but I knew I could not afford to support my family if I quit my main job. Instead, I started growing my business on weekends and late nights. Many people will call it a "side hustle"; I now call it my expansion period. Having the ability to change your work habits to gain what you need in order to grow is HUGE!
Everyone has had a Delivered-By-Grace moment. Check out this video blog and be sure to click and buy the items in this post. Special thanks to my family and friends... without God and what He does through you, I would be a grain of sand on a rocky shore... Much Love, Carla
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Love is patient, love is kind... I was married for 21 years. The journey to separating 10/13/2019 and finalizing our divorce 11/12/2019 was an easy one. I’m a praying woman. I’m a reasonable woman. I was a good wife.
Ladies, who you are is not based on what you want to happen but it is based on what you need to happen. When you love someone 100% and they reciprocate less, you do not have balance. Balance is what makes love strong and it makes love enduring. I did not pray to the Lord to save my marriage, because he had already revealed to me that it was broken. I prayed to the Lord for the strength to let go... He gave that to me. I prayed to the Lord for peace... He gave that to me. I prayed to the Lord for my adult children to understand and know they are loved by both parents... He gave that to me. I prayed to the Lord for my ex-husband to be happy...He gave me peace that he is okay.
I thank God for everything I have learned in this chapter in my life. I cherish every experience and every memory. I am ready for what God has in mind for my future. I know I am prepared to embrace it. And now my next chapter begins...
Before you search the Internet...
Recently, I noticed I was having some strange medical symptoms. I am a strong believer that if something seems not right, you should have it checked out. I also have to admit that I have problems with patience which tend to exacerbate other feelings like worry and anxiety. I am a work in progress... In short, the week-long wait before my doctor’s appointment seemed like an eternity. I had to take action...
After returning home from my morning walk, I headed to the shower. It was like any other day. The hot water flowed down my face like a stream would follow its path down a mountain side. I grabbed my shampoo off the shower shelf and gently began to stroke and massage my scalp. I was thinking about all the things on my to-do list for that day and enjoying my last minutes of relaxation before the rush began. I leaned back slightly to rinse my hair. Suddenly, I heard “bloop, bloop, bloop”. I looked down and near my feet were three handfuls of hair. They sat like boulders on the shower floor. The water's flow was too weak to overcome their mass and push them to the drain. I quickly grabbed my towel and stepped over to the sink. I used my fingers to search for the source, but my brittle strands wrapped around them like vines. My hands were covered in more hair. Instantly I thought I needed to call to make an appointment. This amount of hair loss was nothing similar to what a normal person would lose in a day, week, or month. I explained that nothing changed since my last visit... same vitamins, same everything... what could have caused this problem. The first available doctor’s appointment was a week away... I yelled, “I’ll take it”.
Searching for Answers
I laid the phone down and was disappointed that they could not see me the same day. Do they not care how upset I am... how scared I am... what about my family history? When you have lost people close to you, all those feelings begin to resurface. If they were not going to treat this as a medical emergency, then I will work on it myself until that appointment gets here.
Where’s my IPad? Google search: sudden hair loss... then self diagnosis based on the results... Anemia? Cancer? Lupus? Diabetes? Numerous autoimmune diseases? I did not like any of those answers, but what did I think I would find? I wanted to find something on the Internet that said, “”Carla, you are ok.” That did not happen. Let me start calling my "human resources" — My sister and niece are nurse practitioners... neither were home. My husband was at work...no answer. Several friends...did not pick up. Oh Lord, what can I do? Finally, I got some common sense.
All the searching for answers and feeling all alone during the discovery ended when I asked the one question that I should have asked before the Google search. I wasted nearly half of my day looking for answers instead of leaning on God. “Lord, will you please help me?” When I started to pray, I felt a calm starting to cover me. I prayed for the Lord to guide my thoughts and mind. I prayed for fear to leave and for patience to take over for the days to come. It was not easy for the next few days when each time I brushed my hair I was reminded of the monstrous possibilities that could be brewing. What I realize now is that with each day of prayer, there was less and less hair in my brush. By the time my appointment came around, my hair loss had declined significantly. They sent me for several tests over the next month. I wore my hair out embracing my natural curl patterns trying to prevent more loss. In all this, prayer was making me more confident. In the end, my doctor did not find anything in my blood work or in the test results that could have led to hair loss. It was categorized as stress-related, but I learned an invaluable lesson. Never will I rely on Google for answers to things only God can resolve. Always rely on your Faith first and foremost. God will help guide your way through tough times and even the good ones. Pray everyday.
Feel free to comment, share, and like to support my blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. — Carla
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